Merlin Slash Perhaps
by lossofmerlin
Summary: Arthur and Merlin were never attracted to each other on the show, but what if something happened to magically change that? How would they respond to those new feelings?
1. Chapter 1

As Merlin walked the long road back to Avalon Lake he thought of how great it was going to be to see Arthur after all these years. Merlin's only fear was that Arthur would not recognize him now.

Merlin finally reached the lake. Happiness flooded through him as he saw Arthur standing in the distance, his back to Merlin. He was staring out across the dark waters. A sudden thought filled Merlin's mind that he had no idea what he was going to say to Arthur. But when had that ever stopped him before? Merlin cleared his throat. "Arthur Pendragon?"

Arthur turned around. His eyes tried to take in the stranger in the darkness. "Do I know you?"

"Yes." Merlin gave an inward groan at his own foolish simple answer. He knew Arthur would need much more than that. "You used to. Long ago." Merlin knew he was still being vague but he couldn't bring himself to come right out and say the things that most needed saying.

Arthur looked uncertain.

"This is not going to be easy for you Arthur. It's hard to explain."

Arthur had already begun to get frustrated. "I don't mean to be rude but who are you and where am I?"

"I will start with the easiest question first. You are still at Avalon Lake."

"I thought something looked familiar about this place. My eyes must be playing tricks on me because somehow things look… _off_."

"Arthur, what is the last thing you remember?"

Arthur thought for a moment. "I was with Merlin. He had it in his head that he was going to save my life. I knew I was dying." Arthur paused for a moment, lost in the memory. "I guess he made it in time after all."

Sadness crossed Merlin's features. "I… he wasn't in time. You died that day. But there was a prophecy that said you were the Once and Future King which meant you would return in Albion's greatest time of need."

Arthur frowned. "That makes no sense."

"Why do you have to be such a clotpole?"

Arthur eyed the stranger suspiciously. He only knew one person who used that word. "Where is Merlin," he demanded.

Merlin took a deep breath. He knew he needed to just tell Arthur who he was and get it over with. "I _am_ Merlin."

Arthur stood in stunned silence for all of two seconds before he burst into laughter. "No really, where is he?"

"Arthur, we are currently many years into the future from the last time you remember. For some reason I have been alive all of this time. As the years pass I get old, _scary old_ , and when I would normally die from old age, my body simply regenerates back into its younger form. I don't know why that didn't happen this time."

"That is a ridiculous story."

Merlin shrugged. "It's still true."

"Prove it. Tell me something that only Merlin would know."

This caught Merlin off guard. He quickly scanned his brain for a memory that would be convincing. At last the perfect one came to him. "I know," he announced proudly. "The last words you said to me. You said 'thank you.'"

Arthur stepped closer so that he could get a better look. He didn't focus on the face or the body, but just the eyes. He could see Merlin in those eyes. "It can't be."

"Believe me, I wish it wasn't!"

"This is _weird_ Merlin, even for you."

Merlin gave an inward sigh of relief. At least Arthur believed him. That was more important right now than being accepted. Though he did long for acceptance, especially after having waited so very many years to see Arthur again. "I'm still the same person," Merlin couldn't help but plea.

Arthur could sense how distressed Merlin was over this. He couldn't blame him! "You know what? This is fine. I'm fine with this."

Merlin rolled his eyes.

"No, I am! It's like you said. You're still the same person. You're still my best friend."

Merlin smiled. "I am? I don't get to hear that very often."

Arthur scowled. "Don't smile like that." He looked away and cleared his throat. "So you said I have been gone for a while? How long has it been?"

Merlin wasn't sure Arthur was ready for this. "I am so sorry…"

"How long Merlin? Just tell me."

Merlin hesitated before he blurted out the truth. "It's been fifteen hundred years."

Nothing could have prepared Arthur for the shock he felt. _Fifteen hundred years_? Everyone he knew would be long gone. How could this even be possible, for either of them? "Merlin, you have been alive all this time? What have you been doing?"

"Well, I've traveled. All over actually. I've kept busy."

"Tell me, what became of Camelot? Of Gwen?"

Sadness crossed Merlin's features. "I don't know."

Arthur snorted. "How could you _not_ know?"

Merlin got a faraway look in his eyes. "I'm sorry Arthur, I never went back to Camelot."

Arthur couldn't believe it. "What? Never?"

Merlin shook his head. "It was too hard. Too many memories. But I did hear that Guinevere remarried Leon. They had children. That's really all I know. I'm sorry."

Arthur considered everything thoughtfully. He decided that he didn't want Merlin to feel guilty. That wouldn't help anything. "It's all right Merlin, I understand." He lay a comforting hand on Merlin's shoulder and gave a squeeze before he turned back towards the water.

They stood there for a time, each lost in their own thoughts.

It was Arthur who finally broke the silence. "This thing with you," he said. "Did you have to turn into a _beautiful_ woman?"

Merlin gave a goofy grin. "You think I'm beautiful," he teased.

"Oh shut up."

"Are you ready to get out of here," Merlin asked to change the subject. "I have a place nearby. During all my travels I have never seemed to stray far from here for long."

Arthur nodded his consent to leave.

With one last glance at the lake they headed for home.

 **I always long to see great outpourings of love and emotion between Arthur and Merlin but that is hard to manage while still keeping them true to their original characters, which is important.**

 **I can see the appeal of writing them as physically attracted to one other because then at least they can express an** _ **infinite**_ **amount of love and still be in character as it applies to that AU story.**

 **This story is my vision of the only real way to have the best of both worlds. I wrote it a while ago just to get it out of my system and vowed it would never see the light of day, mainly because I am not (usually) into Slash fanfics. I feel their friendship is more beautiful** _ **because**_ **they are just friends. But this story kept returning to my mind so I have decided to go for it even though I am** _ **really**_ **nervous to post it. So, PLEASE review and tell me your thoughts. Good and bad, I would just like feedback! I will update often and I hope you enjoy.**


	2. Chapter 2

By the time Merlin and Arthur had made it to Merlin's house they were both drained. They watched a little TV and then Merlin gave Arthur a tour that ended in his bedroom. "Here is where you'll sleep." Merlin pointed to his king size bed. "I will take the couch."

"Nonsense," Arthur exclaimed. "Look at this thing! It's huge. We can both sleep here." Arthur recalled all the occasions when he and Merlin had shared a sleeping space in the times long past. He smiled at the memories. "It will be like old times," he announced with forced vigor. Thoughts of the past had started to have a bittersweet effect on him. He was suddenly very ready for sleep to take him and help him to forget.

Merlin looked apprehensive but didn't protest.

They got into bed and lay on opposite ends with their backs to each other.

Merlin couldn't sleep. He was too overcome with a variety of confusing emotions. "I don't know if this was such a good idea," he said miserably.

Arthur rolled to face Merlin who still had his back to him. "What do you mean," he asked.

Merlin hesitated before he replied. "Listen, don't freak out about this… never mind, you're going to freak out."

"I won't, _freak out_ , whatever that means." When Merlin didn't respond, Arthur grabbed hold of his shoulder and flipped him onto his back so that they could look at each other when they spoke.

Merlin looked angry. "This is so stupid," he spat out. "I have my same brain, my same memories. But I am not a man trapped inside a woman's body. I am a woman. I _feel_ like a woman."

Arthur gave a scowl at the notion even though he didn't fully understand what Merlin had said.

"You just wait till one day something crazy like this happens to you. Just don't… look at me like that!"

"I'm sorry, it's just that I have no idea what you are talking about Merlin. Why don't you try to be a little more specific? Any fool can see you are a woman now. That isn't really news to me."

"You know that show we watched earlier tonight? The people were lost on that island, remember? When I look at women now… when I looked at those women, I didn't find them attractive," Merlin finished shamefaced.

"They weren't that attractive," Arthur agreed.

Merlin shook his head at how dense Arthur could be. "But now when I look at _men_ …"

"Whoa! Do not finish that sentence." Arthur gave a disgusted look.

"I'm sorry," Merlin cried out. He turned his head to stare up at the ceiling.

They lay in awkward silence.

"Merlin," Arthur began slowly. "Do you find _me_ attractive?"

Merlin sat up aghast and faced Arthur again. "No!"

Arthur grinned. He also sat up to be level with his friend. "You do, don't you? I am a good looking man, and I can say it… that I find you… attractive, now," Arthur stumbled through the words.

Merlin's stomach tingled. "You can't say things like that."

Arthur stared at him blankly.

"It's just when you say things like that it… you know?"

Arthur widened his eyes, pursed his lips and shook his head. "No Merlin, I really don't."

Merlin realized he would have to be blunt. "It kind of turns me on."

"Oh _God Merlin_ , why would you say that?"

Now it was Merlin's turn to shake his head in frustration. "You really are a cabbage head, aren't you?"

Arthur's voice raised to match his heightened emotions. "You don't talk like that because you sound too much like my best friend when he was a man, that _acted_ like a man!"

"For the last time, not my fault," Merlin retorted angrily.

Arthur gaped.

Merlin flopped back down onto his back, but turned his face away from Arthur. He crossed his arms over his chest.

Arthur stared at him. Once his own anger started to fade he realized how much Merlin must be hurting. "This is really hard on you, isn't it Merlin," he asked in gentler tones. Merlin didn't answer. Arthur reached down to comfortingly soothe his hair.

As soon as Arthur touched him, Merlin's face jerked towards him in shock.

Arthur pulled his hand back immediately.

"Why did you do that," Merlin asked.

"I don't know. A reaction. I was just trying to comfort you."

Merlin looked back towards the ceiling. "You can't do things like that," he said numbly.

Arthur slumped back down onto the bed. He lay on his back and closed his eyes. "It's been a long day," he said in a flat voice. "We should get some rest."

Merlin waited until he heard Arthur's breathing become regular to indicate he was asleep. As quietly as possible Merlin repositioned himself on his side so that he faced Arthur. Merlin marveled at how he had never noticed how attractive Arthur was before. Merlin wondered if this was going to be a permanent change in him. He thought back to all the women he had ever been attracted to. There had definitely never been a man! How many times had he seen Arthur naked, he mused, and never once had he gotten aroused. However, he knew he needed to stop thinking about Arthur naked right now because it was making his stomach curl. Merlin wondered why this had to happen to him. He stared at Arthur for a long time before he finally drifted to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

During the night Merlin and Arthur had instinctively moved closer to each other. Merlin awoke with his head nestled up against Arthur's side. Arthur's arm lay draped over Merlin's back, and Merlin's arm across Arthur's chest, his fingers resting in Arthur's hair.

Merlin's first thought was fear that Arthur would wake. His next thought was that this felt really nice. Without thinking he shifted his position closer which caused Arthur to stir. Arthur's fingers started to move ever so slightly. Merlin's eyes closed momentarily in pleasure before his thoughts quickly returned to apprehension.

"Arthur," he whispered gently.

Merlin could see Arthur's eyes open from the partial view he had of his face. Arthur's hand was still tracing small circles on Merlin's back. Arthur turned his head to look at Merlin but Merlin could tell that he wasn't fully awake yet.

Merlin's whole body felt frozen in place. "Arthur," he tried again, pleadingly.

Arthur's hand stopped moving but he didn't remove it.

Merlin pulled his hand back towards himself and moved slowly backwards out from under Arthur's arm. He knew he couldn't stay in bed beside Arthur for a moment longer. He got up without saying a word and left to take a shower.

Merlin thought he would feel better once he was under the usually calming waters. This time it did nothing for his nerves. How could he be attracted to Arthur, his brain demanded. Merlin knew that he used to be a man. He could remember it, of course. But it felt like something that had happened in another life, or in a dream, or to someone else entirely. He felt now as if he had always been a woman, and if it were the most natural thing in the world to be attracted to the opposite sex. It didn't _feel_ wrong but something inside his brain argued, not very convincingly, that it _was_ wrong since he used to be a man. Just because he was attracted to Arthur now, _which he couldn't help_ , he adamantly assured himself, did that make it right to indulge in such feelings? All he knew for certain was that he was mortified and at this moment felt he could never face Arthur again. He stayed in the shower so long that the water turned an icy temperature. He let the freezing water fall onto his body until he was numb. With a long sigh he finally forced himself out.

Even though Arthur was in serious need of rest from the emotional toll of the night, he found he couldn't fall back asleep. He lay in bed and wondered how life had gotten so mixed up? For him it felt like only days had passed since he was last in Camelot but now he knew he would never see it again. He had arrived in a time period where _nothing_ made sense to him. Everything felt so surreal. He had never felt so lost and alone. And what the hell had just happened with Merlin? Merlin was acting… strange. Way more than normal. Arthur wished he would knock it off because he _needed_ him, now more than ever. Arthur decided to get some fresh air and see if a walk would clear his head.

Merlin decided that he would sleep on the couch. _Indefinitely_. He tiptoed down the hall. He noticed that the bedroom door was wide open and he couldn't help but glance in as he passed. Arthur wasn't there. Merlin looked in the direction he had been headed and did not see Arthur in the living room or the kitchen. He started to panic. The only other place Arthur could be was outside and that would be bad. Merlin frantically pulled on his shoes and grabbed his keys. He headed out and as he closed the door his eyes passed over the living room from a different angle. This time he could see the front of the couch instead of the back. There lay Arthur, sound asleep. Merlin let out a sigh of relief. He went over to the couch and slumped down on the only spot that Arthur hadn't claimed.

Merlin wondered if Arthur would ever know how much worry and fuss he caused? _Doubtful_ , Merlin answered himself. _Just look at him. So oblivious. Just sleeping away. He looks so… peaceful._ Merlin's hand with a seeming mind of its own reached out and brushed back some of Arthur's hair away from his face. Arthur didn't budge. _So peaceful_ , Merlin thought again. His body still seemed to be moving on its own accord as he found himself bending over to lightly kiss Arthur's forehead.

Merlin didn't have time to second guess his actions because this did wake Arthur, whose arm shot out to grab hold of whatever the threat was against him, just as Merlin had started to sit back up. Arthur succeeded in pinning Merlin on top of him, their faces inches apart.

Arthur stared into Merlin's eyes as he tried to assimilate in his sleepy state what had just happened. He couldn't form coherent thoughts because of how vividly aware he was of Merlin's new form which lay on top of him. It was very distracting. Part of him dimly realized it was Merlin in there, somewhere, but another part of him was responding to the beautiful woman pressed close against his body. Suddenly Arthur lifted his head enough so their lips could touch. It was like fire and ice. Merlin's brain had stopped working properly. Arthur was wide awake now and fully grasped what was happening. He knew he should pull away but it felt too amazing. His unsettled feelings started to fade and he was quickly losing conscious thought along with Merlin. He focused enough to groan out, "Merlin, this better not mean that I'm…"

Merlin said the only thing that made sense to him. "I think I'm in love with you."

Now Arthur pulled away and froze. "Why would you say that?" He stared hard at Merlin and the reality of what had just happened came crashing down.

"I'm sorry, but I loved you with all my heart before. _Not_ in this way! It's just now that I'm attracted to you, it just feels… I don't know. I _know_ it's not normal," he finished helplessly. Merlin clambered over to the far side of the couch.

Arthur sat and leaned his head backwards. He couldn't believe what had just happened. He knew it was the lack of sleep messing with his sound judgment. "It's _not_ normal and I don't like it."

"That's just great," Merlin said. He got up and went into the kitchen for some water.

"I'm sorry," Arthur called out to him. "I was just being honest."

"No, no, it's fine. I get it."

Arthur sighed and got up to go talk to his friend. Merlin was standing in the kitchen. He hadn't bothered to turn the lights on. The moonlight shone through the window and silhouetted his new form perfectly.

"Merlin," he began. "This has been the _worst_ night of my life. You are the only person I have left in this world. Please don't be mad at me right now, I don't think that I can take it."

Merlin hated to see Arthur in pain. He used to be able to easily put his own feelings aside to be there for him, but on this night he found it more difficult than usual because he was hurting so much himself. "You have no idea how hard things have been on me also, for so long. I have missed you for all these years, waited for the day I could see my friend again. Then this happens! I can't even hug you because of how strange everything feels for me! I need you right now too." A tear rolled down Merlin's cheek.

All of what Merlin had said earlier about love, Arthur worried that he might be experiencing something very similar. He had always loved Merlin like a brother. Merlin was his best friend. And now… Arthur didn't want to feel attracted to this figure in front of him because his brain screamed out that it was _Merlin_ , but he couldn't help it. He felt like he was truly seeing Merlin for the first time, and he was… _stunning_. And sad. Arthur desperately wanted to comfort him. At the moment he didn't feel like fighting his feelings. He cleared the distance between them and took Merlin up in his arms. He had just planned to hold him but as soon as their bodies touched something in Arthur responded and his lips sought out Merlin's again. "I'm sorry," he whispered between kisses. "I know this is wrong on so many levels, but I feel something too."

Merlin kissed him back passionately. He couldn't help the words from escaping his lips, "I love you."

Arthur pulled away so he could look at Merlin's face. He definitely felt something new that had never been there before. "I think I love you too," he confessed. Then a terrible thought crossed his mind. "What happens if you go back to being a man?"

"I don't know," Merlin said dejectedly.

"Hey, it's not your fault," Arthur was quick to assure him. "It's _not_ your fault, right?" Arthur teased in an attempt to lighten the heavy mood.

"No," Merlin exclaimed. He was so overwhelmed with emotion that he suddenly wanted to be alone. "I have to go to bed." Merlin started to walk off because he didn't trust himself to stay. "I'll see you in the morning."

Arthur panicked. " _Merlin_."

Merlin turned. "Yeah?"

"I… can't be alone right now."

Merlin considered this. He nodded. They made their slow trek back to the bedroom. Once in, they both stared down at the bed.

Arthur made the first move. He gently pulled Merlin to sit down beside him. He took hold of Merlin's hand. "Look," he said. "I _seriously_ don't know what we are doing here… but it feels… _right_. Doesn't it feel right to you?" Arthur turned Merlin's hand over and traced it tenderly with a finger.

"Wish it didn't," Merlin mumbled.

"I think it's just as you said. It is because you are a woman now. If I had known you as a woman for all those years in Camelot, I would have fallen for you for sure. Straight away. Obviously, I never felt that way for you as a man and I hope that doesn't hurt your feelings?"

"It's a relief," Merlin admitted.

"When I see you now, like this, I cannot help it. I feel something so strong. Something has awakened in me that was never there before. I keep asking myself if it would really be so wrong for us to be together? You truly were my best friend before and I suppose you still are except it feels different now, stronger somehow. I can only hope it would never damage our friendship if you were to change back because I don't think I could be that kind of a couple."

"Yeah, I'm not sure either."

"But you do want to be this kind of couple," Arthur asked sweetly.

Merlin let out a relieved laugh. "Yeah, I guess I do."

Arthur smiled. He refused to worry about anything aside from how he felt in this moment. "Good. That makes two of us." He tilted Merlin's chin and kissed him again. Merlin's arms wrapped around Arthur's neck and their bodies melded together.

After several minutes, Arthur came up for air. He couldn't remember when they had laid back down and how his shirt had come off. "We better take things slowly."

"Yeah," Merlin agreed breathlessly.

"One thing is for sure, I definitely like you better this way, _no offense_ ," Arthur said. He wrapped his arms tightly around Merlin to hold him close. "This has got to be some crazy dream," he continued. "I'm going to wake up and I'm _not_ going to tell you about it because I would never hear the end of it."

Merlin ran his fingers over Arthur's chest. "I wish it was a dream."

"You do," Arthur pouted.

"Of course I do. It's not meant to be this way. But it does feel good to be with you like this," Merlin added as an afterthought.

They fell asleep holding each other.

Merlin woke sometime later to Arthur kissing his neck. "That feels…" he breathed out. He couldn't find the words to express how intense it felt. Arthur's arm was wrapped around him holding him close from behind. Merlin felt worry creep in that this somehow might end up hurting Arthur.

"I love you," Arthur breathed softly into his ear and Merlin was lost. He rolled over and they locked together in a tight embrace.

They held hands as they made love. Once during, Arthur whispered, "Promise we'll stay like this forever?" Merlin managed out, "Yes."

Afterwards, Merlin lay wrapped in Arthur's arms. Arthur had fallen asleep. Merlin couldn't help but still feel a sense of unease. He knew this had the potential to end badly. What if he were to die prematurely and regenerate back into his normal self? He knew he would still be with Arthur romantically _if_ that's what Arthur wanted, because he loved him. He would do anything to make Arthur happy. But deep in his heart he knew things would feel differently if that were to happen. He thought back to the past, all the time they had spent together in Camelot. Could he have been with Arthur romantically then? He wouldn't have liked it. It would have broken his heart to know Arthur felt _this_ way about him, back then. Merlin didn't know if he would have been able to do it, not even for Arthur. He hoped he would be strong enough now, if the time ever came, and if that's what Arthur still wanted. It would just be cruel otherwise, considering how close they had just become.

As Merlin drifted off to sleep his last thoughts were of how right it felt to be in Arthur's arms, and how he hoped nothing would ever change.


	4. Chapter 4

**I made some changes to chapter 3 around the beginning of August 2015. If you read chapter 3 prior to that date, please take the time to reread it before delving into this final chapter! Thank you for sticking with me till the end.**

When Merlin woke to the sunlight streaming through his window he was immediately and acutely aware that something was terribly wrong. Half of his bare skin lay enveloped by Arthur. He knew he should have felt some the same bliss as the previous night. Instead he felt a wave of nausea coming on. He knew why. He could _feel_ the difference. He didn't even want to breathe for he feared Arthur to wake in this moment more than he had ever dreaded anything in his life.

"Merlin?" Merlin could tell by the way that Arthur slowly rubbed his chest that it was more an act of searching than that of a caress.

"Yeah," Merlin confirmed.

"You changed back then." Arthur's voice was thick and knowing. He fixed his arm back around Merlin and pulled him close. "Merlin... I'm too tired to think right now. Just let me hold you."

"Like this?" Merlin knew that was obviously what Arthur meant but he couldn't _not_ ask it.

Arthur flexed his arm muscle to momentarily pull Merlin tighter. "Yeah, just like this," Arthur murmured sleepily.

Merlin wished he could fall into a peaceful sleep as Arthur had. Perhaps if his body wasn't so tense. Merlin leaned into Arthur and tried to channel how he had felt the night before. He amended that it didn't feel _horrible_. Merlin took a deep breath. He could do this.

His breathing sped back up as he recalled all of Arthur's whispered declarations of love. He wasn't able to tear his thoughts away from those memories. I _do_ love Arthur, he told himself sternly. He is my best friend. Only now he is my… lover? Merlin felt his stomach churn and he knew he was going to be sick. He couldn't let Arthur see that type of reaction. He did the only thing he could think of.

"Swefe nu."

Merlin slumped into the unconsciousness of his sleep spell.

ooooo

Arthur woke more rested than he had felt in ages. But still he kept his eyes closed. He didn't want to be awake. Didn't want to move. Or think. He wanted to drift back into the sweet oblivion of sleep. His bladder had other plans. Arthur remained in bed until it became too uncomfortable to bear. He dressed while he was up.

He walked carefully back to the bedroom. Merlin was still out cold. Arthur sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him for a long time. It was _Merlin_. He always looked so peaceful in sleep. He lay wrapped in the blanket, only his top half exposed. Arthur reached out and lay a hand on his head and smoothed his hair. Sweet, gentle Merlin. He placed his hand momentarily on Merlin's back and gave a couple of soft pats.

How could they have been so reckless, Arthur fumed. What had possessed them? Arthur refused to think back on any of the details. All he wanted to see, think or care about right now was his friend. He suddenly needed to speak with him. He couldn't be alone in all of this. He shook Merlin gently, to no avail. Arthur forced himself to relax. He gathered up Merlin's clothes and began to dress him. Then he lay down beside him and waited patiently until he woke.

ooooo

When Merlin finally reawakened he opened his eyes to find Arthur staring at him intently. They lay facing each other. Merlin was confused when he noticed that they were both fully clothed.

"I figured you might be more comfortable," Arthur supplied.

So Arthur had dressed him then.

"Well, that's embarrassing," Merlin muttered.

"Oh come now, after all we have…" Arthur had started with gusto but found he couldn't even finish the sentence.

They lay in silence until Merlin asked, "What happens now?"

"I have given that a lot of thought actually. At first I was angry that I had allowed us to be in this position in the first place. My heart felt broken. I didn't want you to feel that way. Then it occurred to me that we don't have to feel pain if we just stay together."

Merlin took a long slow breath to try and calm his pounding heart. He had known this to be a possibility. He had committed himself to trying, for Arthur. One rebellious question burned in his mind. "But Arthur." He hesitated, unsure if he wanted to hear the answer. "Are you still... attracted to me?"

"No, not really," Arthur admitted. "But I don't want to lose what we had. I think maybe with enough exposure the attraction might build."

"Maybe."

"So get over here and let me hold you."

Merlin nodded. He scooted into Arthur's outstretched arm and nestled close against his warmth. Merlin had to admit that in this moment it was nice.

"How do you feel," Arthur asked softly.

"It feels really good. It's comforting and I need that right now."

Arthur couldn't agree more. "Then it's settled. Nothing needs to change." Arthur mussed Merlin's hair briskly for a few seconds.

Merlin delayed his next thoughts. "But Arthur… I'm not turned on… and if you're not turned on..."

"Why does that have to matter? Last night was the happiest night of my life. I refuse to lose that!"

Merlin pulled away so they could face each other. "You know I feel the same. But it was so amazing in part because we were attracted to each other. When you take that away and two people still love each other as much as we do, there is a special word for that and it's called a best friend."

"That's two words Merlin," Arthur replied sarcastically.

Merlin smiled at the familiar tone. "You always give me a hard time."

"Yeah but you love it so stop complaining."

"I love you," Merlin replied.

"I love you too! Merlin so what is the problem?"

"What if I was magically turned into a snake," Merlin persisted. "I could talk and I was still the same person on the inside. Would you still want to try being together... physically?"

"Yep."

"Arthur that's _sick_." Merlin gave a laugh.

Arthur shrugged. "I love you. I want to be with you."

"But we couldn't kiss or hold each other. We would just be sharing our lives together."

"That's what I _need_ ," Arthur replied. "I don't care if we are ever physical together again. In truth, I'm not sure I want to be. But I need to share my life with you."

"Arthur, don't you realize that's what we've always had. Why do you think it was so hard for me to return to Camelot after you died? I've always loved you more than anyone, well, maybe not more than Freya... except for last night. I loved you more than _anyone_ then."

"Last night I found myself thinking the same, that I loved you more than I had ever loved anyone, even Guinevere." Arthur had felt guilty about such thoughts.

"And now? Not me as a woman from last night, but the me that lays before you now. Do you love _me_ more than Gwen?"

Arthur thought about that for a while. He missed his wife. She would always hold a special place in his heart, apart from all others. "I wouldn't say I love you _more_. I love you both equally, only in... different ways." Arthur rolled his eyes. "You know it annoys me to no end when you are right Merlin."

Merlin grinned at his friend. "I know."

"But last night... I _did_ love you more than Gwen."

"I _know_ ," Merlin replied. "But if we try to force a relationship now it will never be the same. Because we aren't attracted to each other. And it's not because of old age or because we let our bodies go to hell. It's because of something deep inside of us, a primal instinct. We shouldn't try to fight against that just because we love each other."

"Why couldn't I be born attracted to men," Arthur whined.

Merlin laughed at how comical it was to hear Arthur talk like that. "But you weren't. And we have something special without the physical stuff. We always will. Arthur I waited _fifteen_ _hundred_ _years_ for you. You are not getting rid of me any time soon."

"But last night was even better than friendship," Arthur whispered.

"I know. But it wouldn't be if we kept with it now. Imagine if we went outside and saw some hot girl. Both of us would immediately get turned on. That's how it should be, for us. It doesn't mean we don't care for each other."

"OK, I get it! I know you are right. It just sucks alright? After what we had it _hurts_ that things will never be that way again."

"Trust me, I know."

Arthur sighed and got out of bed. "I am going to require the occasional napping buddy, I hope you are aware of that."

Merlin managed a sad smile. "I think as some time passes you might feel a bit differently."

"Perhaps."

"I know what we should do," Merlin exclaimed. "Let's get out of here for a while. I feel like we have been in this bed for ages. There is a carnival in town. You would love it!"

ooooo

Later that night when Arthur went to lay down he found a present waiting for him on the bed. It was the stuffed bear that Merlin had won at one of the carnival games. Arthur was sure he had seen Merlin's eyes glow as he tossed that ball. _What_ _a_ _cheater_ _!_ There was a note beside the bear. "She will be the perfect 'napping buddy' because she represents what we had and you can hold her close and think of me if you ever feel sad."

Arthur gave a bittersweet smile as he held the bear close to his heart.

THE END

 **Author's note: I couldn't decide where to fit it into the story but I feel like I should explain** _ **why**_ **Merlin had magically changed into a woman around the same time that Arthur had returned. There was a prophecy (roughly translated) that stated, "Two sides of the coin must come together as one. Only then will enough strength and healing occur for the coin to be whole once more." Basically, Arthur needed to get closer to Merlin than he ever had anyone, so that he would be able to easier cope with losing everything else in his life, aside from Merlin.**


End file.
